My last day just dawned.
I am suddenly in a contemplative mood like it was set by an emotional alarm clock. I suddenly saw myself reading my old blog and rereading my Film professor's comments.
That blog post was on happiness--that one may only have so much of it in this world and something will always be missing.
I am leaving a job that ate every second of my last two years. It's a love-hate relationship. It was a jealous mistress. A nagging mother--you hate doing what it asks you and you do it anyway and you learn a lot in between.
I am leaving not only because something is missing but also because something has to be filled. A vacuum somewhere. Probably inside me.
It's not leaving nor moving on. It's moving up.
News friends ask me if I'm leaving for a better pay, better benefits and perfunctorily I'd say yes. Simply put, I am leaving because that's what my heart tells me to do and what the universe has conspired to make happen. Or maybe not. I'm just making an excuse to leave.
In 23 hours and 47 minutes, I am out of this office officially. But my heart stays on.
Let this be my podium to thank everyone who has touched my life one way or another, masakit man o masaya. Everyday has been a learning day for me in the newsroom, before the mediocre days set in.
I need to break even the faintest hint of mediocrity in my work, hence, I am embarking on more challenges. That's what life has always been to me: a challenge to overcome, leaving me all competitive. (I wonder if I'm gonna die fighting.)
I am only or already 24. As I am keeping my youth, I am also embracing maturity. In a few years, I might look for higher mountains to climb, or greener pastures, or richer environment, or just settle down. I might keep looking and looking and never really find the happiness I seek. But then again, I might die tomorrow.
If that happens, I would have had wanted to experience all life has to offer.
I might be no different to a rolling stone that gathers no moss. I could have just stayed in one place and keep reaching for a dream until it becomes less and less elusive. I could have secured and defined my future. But then again, without rubbing it too much in, we don't know when we are truly leaving.
Think about the time lost staying in one place forever.
I am worried about myself too, given that you're worried if I'll ever get somewhere permanently. All I know is that I'm going where the wind blows. All that matters is now. Kebs about the future. What is is what is. The past is gone. The future yet to come.
What is meant to happen will happen. Murphy and Jobs share that idea, though said differently.
Tomorrow and days thereafter, I will look at the bright blue sky above and thank the Lord for the morning.
