01.01.10

People would die to be where I was, I was certain of that.

I could have had an a news team set up a camera and they'd be able to capture good angles at almost all the time.

I could have made it a tourist spot, requiring an entrance fee to the area because I know if people knew this place, they'd all envy me. Plus it's going to be worth their money.

It was like the highest peak in the Himalayas of houses. Up there is an opportunity of a 360-view of all Metro Manila fireworks, leaving me openmouthed for what seemed to be ages. I couldn't believe my eyes, small as they are. My head had a good exercise rotating for one whole hour as one firework after another teased me to look their way to show what they've got as if one is a totally unique sight from the rest. An assortment of lights and booms presented themselves before my eyes and ears, dissipating as another set came and this went on and on and on. At some point, just when I thought I could look away to give momentary solace to my senses, one display would catch my attention and then I'm back to viewing again.

As one firework came after another, awe after awe, my mind was naturally trance-bound. But somehow, my brain managed to rummage an idea about how fireworks work. Why do fireworks shoot up as high as they do and plummet into mere sparkle, leaving the world lit for a matter of seconds, oh so fleeting seconds. And why do we even indulge!

My auntie's place is a 5-storey petite house in Pateros. But if you don't count the supposed basement garage, the rooftop where they hang clothes to dry and the highest level where the water tank is, it's really just a humble two-storey. I've been staying here since I started my Makati work this year. It's a one FX-ride or 80-peso taxi fare. It's easily accessed from anywhere but it's a bit hard to describe where it is, really.

They say it's hard to be at two places at the same time. I say, try four.

OK. Technically, it's Pateros. But cross the immediate road and you're in Pasig. Cross the nearby C5 and you're in Makati. Go left and you're at The Fort Taguig. Turn around and you're back in Pateros. The latter, being the only non-city amongst the 17 of Metro Manila boasts of that privilege. But please don't start flocking here because it's only a 2.10-square km teensy town (according to Wiki). But I guess, with all the sparkles that just transpired here tonight, it's its own Tinseltown.

I was lucky and unlucky tonight. Lucky, for all the foregoing reasons. Unlucky, for I lacked a much needed good camera to prove to you that all the foregoing reasons are true. Darn it!

Hopscotching holidays

This is my first Christmas in two years!

If you're wondering where I was the last two Christmases, I myself am wondering how I handled skipping it. Twice.

Well, I was hiding in the newsroom. Not that it's a game one likes to play but I had to work during the busier holidays. And the latter phrase makes me sound like a physician on call.

Yes we were always on call and my schedule back in ABS-CBN was Saturday to Wednesday, and though Christmas almost always falls on a Thursday or a Friday which are my off-days, I wouldn't enjoy Christmas eve or day fresh out of work or with a work-laden mind. Would you?

Though they weren't normal Christmases, I was excited just the same. A notch higher actually because of the possibility of getting seen on TV when the producers decide to set up a camera in the newsroom and allow us make stupid of ourselves by waving at the camera for reasons heaven knows what. And much to our disappointment and embarrassment for hoping such foolishness, no camera setup came.

And then arrived the New Years during which time it's confirmed we'll be seen on TV. By whom? By all people who are too busy watching fireworks displays to be watching TV at that time! I even had to make calls to friends and family to tell them I'm wearing so and so color so they can spot me amongst the news crew and staff frantically amused at this fleeting moment of assumed popularity as if their faces will be etched on the screen for everyone to remember. Sigh.

Just the same, it was a consolation. If, on Christmas eve, we'd be crying silently in the restroom or our cubicles for missing the Christmas dinner at home, we're ecstatic on New Year's eve. It was a prize for working on a holiday. But I guess it's really not true the belief that whatever you do on the first day you'll be doing the rest of the year. We were on TV for fragments of seconds on January 1 but never again thereafter. (Well, except as a blurry background of ANC's newscast.)

Like some game of fate, my parents and two of my sisters are abroad, which leaves me and my Ate Joan and Ate Weng (who is married, by the way, and stays in her Antipolo house with husband Clint) putting up the holiday tree and spreading the holiday feast on the mahogany table, just when I am ready to have my first Christmas again.

Thank God there's Christmas every year.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Last

My last day just dawned.

I am suddenly in a contemplative mood like it was set by an emotional alarm clock. I suddenly saw myself reading my old blog and rereading my Film professor's comments.

That blog post was on happiness--that one may only have so much of it in this world and something will always be missing.

I am leaving a job that ate every second of my last two years. It's a love-hate relationship. It was a jealous mistress. A nagging mother--you hate doing what it asks you and you do it anyway and you learn a lot in between.

I am leaving not only because something is missing but also because something has to be filled. A vacuum somewhere. Probably inside me.

It's not leaving nor moving on. It's moving up.

News friends ask me if I'm leaving for a better pay, better benefits and perfunctorily I'd say yes. Simply put, I am leaving because that's what my heart tells me to do and what the universe has conspired to make happen. Or maybe not. I'm just making an excuse to leave.

In 23 hours and 47 minutes, I am out of this office officially. But my heart stays on.

Let this be my podium to thank everyone who has touched my life one way or another, masakit man o masaya. Everyday has been a learning day for me in the newsroom, before the mediocre days set in.

I need to break even the faintest hint of mediocrity in my work, hence, I am embarking on more challenges. That's what life has always been to me: a challenge to overcome, leaving me all competitive. (I wonder if I'm gonna die fighting.)

I am only or already 24. As I am keeping my youth, I am also embracing maturity. In a few years, I might look for higher mountains to climb, or greener pastures, or richer environment, or just settle down. I might keep looking and looking and never really find the happiness I seek. But then again, I might die tomorrow.

If that happens, I would have had wanted to experience all life has to offer.

I might be no different to a rolling stone that gathers no moss. I could have just stayed in one place and keep reaching for a dream until it becomes less and less elusive. I could have secured and defined my future. But then again, without rubbing it too much in, we don't know when we are truly leaving.

Think about the time lost staying in one place forever.

I am worried about myself too, given that you're worried if I'll ever get somewhere permanently. All I know is that I'm going where the wind blows. All that matters is now. Kebs about the future. What is is what is. The past is gone. The future yet to come.

What is meant to happen will happen. Murphy and Jobs share that idea, though said differently.

Tomorrow and days thereafter, I will look at the bright blue sky above and thank the Lord for the morning.